if you don’t think history is amusing then you’re wrong because one time 3 different guys declared themselves pope all at once and they all excommunicated each other and it was basically the funniest thing ever
what about that time the Lichtenstein army sent 80 men to Italy to fight and came back with 81
what about that one mexican president who lasted 45 minutes in office
June 2013
when people try to speak on the behalf of entire fandoms
“I really don’t know what ‘I love you’ means. I think it means ‘don’t leave me here alone’.”
—Neil Gaiman (via jayarrarr)
reasons to date me:
-i can pick stuff up with my feet sometimes
-ive never killed a man (yet)
-i once got 95% on guitar hero
-you can play with my hair
-im cheaper than a puppy
if u grab my sides to tickle me ill punch u in the face
i wasnt going to shave my legs but then i remembered that im graduating tomorrow…
if you want my legs to be shaved every day then you can do it for me and ill see how long it takes for you to not care anymore
what do you call a hooker that you pay with spaghetti?
a pastatute
how many people unfollowed you because of this
20
you remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I’ll bang you on a table
why the fuck does vagina=weak and dick=strong
have u ever kicked someone in the dick? they fall to the floor and cry
kick someone in the vagina and i can guarantee u they’ll just punch u in the face
vagina not weak
vagina strong
when someone yells STOP i never know if its in the name of love, or if its hammertime
Simon says like me back
Red lipstick makes me feel like I could cut a man’s heart out with a high heel shoe and fucking eat it.
You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t
whenever i give advice to someone i say ‘idk’ like 5 times a sentence because i’m so afraid they’ll follow my advice and ruin their life so yeah i can never seem too sure
